The Cork Board

Is this the end for milk-bottle legs?


We’ve had the driest March on record, and probably April is going that way too. This week, the temperature should be 13deg C but it’s not – it’s going to be nearer 25. And likely for another week. If this is the result of climate change, bring it on, I like the sun. Already we have had early summer sightings of crowded weekend beaches, little children smearing ice-cream into every facial orifice, pretty ladies in revealing dresses, and …………men in shorts.

Scary !

As soon as the sun comes out and the temperature hops over the 15deg mark an Englishman must don his shorts. I do feel sorry for you ladies. I admit, there are few men who look good in shorts, even though I am a keen short-wearer myself. My wife says my best feature is my bum, which is a shame since she has to look at my face all the time. So, out come the knobbly knees, the milky white legs with cracked skin and unsightly hair. Do we look sexy ? Do we heck ! And here’s a thing. If you holiday in France, Spain, Italy or any other Mediterranean country for instance, do you see grown men in shorts? I don’t think so. Teens and twenty-somethings maybe  but not mature, grown up “I should know better” men.

Not so many years ago I managed to don my shorts at the beginning of May and wear them all the way through to the end of October (not the same pair, of course). By the end of the summer I had quite an attractive weathered tan and leaving the final return to jeans as late as possible was a matter of honour. Today, the temperature is set to rise above the 20 mark again (as I said, it should be nearer 13) and so in honour of this wonderful new climate that we are enjoying I shall go for a run in my running shorts – which, as we all know, will reveal even more porcelain skin.

.........and if you saw these guys walking down the street ! .....

But if this dramatic change in temperature is to become the standard – let’s face it, even the weathermen on tv look flumuxed – and Britain is to become a Mediterranean country over time, surely, there are bound to be some changes to our natural habitat and wildlife. Butterflies and bees will be busy earlier. Insects will be plentiful and birds will be plump and chirpy. But there’s a down side. Some species could become extinct. This is serious, we could be witnessing the beginning of the end of the British Milk-Bottle Legs. Every cloud, eh girls !

19 thoughts on “Is this the end for milk-bottle legs?

  1. Hahahahha..Shorts 😛
    Crazy men in shorts…I wud anyday prefer to watch a lady in shorts..
    nyways talking about temperatures..it gets close to 45 C out here..it’s mighty difficult to beat the heat..not sure if shorts wud be a good idea 😛

  2. Believe me, this weather is out of season for us…. and the hottest we’re likely to get in the summer is probably 27 – 30 C. I know it gets really hot where you are and sometimes unbearably so. Still, I want to move nearer to the Equator. I’ll settle for a regular 30 – 35 C……apparently I’ll live longer. 🙂 We have an Indian friend coming to stay with us this summer – I hope he doesn’t catch cold !

  3. The first pic is scary… It may not look all that scary if i see them in real (i hope)… For men knee length pants looks good… N for summer maybe cotton knee length would be nice… Speaking of ‘hot’ for some reason i find men in formals hot… (not all) It really suits well for some of them… N since its a very decent way of dressing, it adds to it… Even shorts look good given that they are not that tight as in the first pic…

    1. If men with knobbly knees must wear shorts a flash of ankle is enough !! 🙂 Hahaha. Actually my legs aren’t too bad since I do a lot of running but no Englishman should put his legs on public display until he has a tan. It just looks silly. 🙂

  4. LOL! Yeah- I was in Mallorca and guess what? The only shorts-wearing guys were British! The guy at the end of the trio with the checked jacket looks like he’s going to faint. K

    1. Hi K, Yeah, shorts, it’s a tricky act to pull off well. OK, so the guy in the middle would turn a head but you’re right…the guy on the right needs a good square meal or two. Thanks for dropping by. 🙂

  5. I like the 2 in pic #1. They’re both pretty young, though, which helps. The young can get away with clothing that older folks should not ever, ever wear. The length of those shorts is only for those with very good legs, and for the young (who hopefully have very good legs!).

    Pic #2 – middle guy is yummy. If I saw him walking down the street like that I’d fall to my knees and try to lick his perfect abs — well, maybe not, but I’d sure fantasize about it. The other 2 are just too “fashiony” and really don’t appeal to me at all.

    And hey, if you don’t expose your legs they’ll never get tan! So it’s sort of a “Catch-22”, right? If you don’t wear shorts the legs will remain fish white, but if you do, then the fish white legs are on display. Unless you get some bronzer to rub on while you’re working on the real tan! That’s what the ladies seem to be doing a lot these days (in the U.S., at least).

    1. Hey, control yourself, girl 🙂 ! Some years ago when the kids were young I put some bronzer on my fish-white legs for some early Spring running. They looked ok from up where I was viewing from. But the kids thought my “orange” legs were hilarious, and didn’t think I should be told for at least a week !

      1. Self tanners have improved, or so I hear. I don’t use them. But I’m sure your legs are just fine the way they are and you probably wear shorts of a decent length. Anyway, as you expose them to the sun they’ll get nice and tan.

        Kids are quite mean, yes? Funny they didn’t tell you right away! Some of the earlier bronzers were very orangey.

        Give me a break — I need my fantasies! They’re all I have left at my advanced and not so attractive to young, good looking men any more age!

  6. I am sure I for one look very good in shorts, but alas, my wife doesn’t think so, especially when I intend to step out of the house, resplendent in my shorts.

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