We’ve had the driest March on record, and probably April is going that way too. This week, the temperature should be 13deg C but it’s not – it’s going to be nearer 25. And likely for another week. If this is the result of climate change, bring it on, I like the sun. Already we have had early summer sightings of crowded weekend beaches, little children smearing ice-cream into every facial orifice, pretty ladies in revealing dresses, and …………men in shorts.
As soon as the sun comes out and the temperature hops over the 15deg mark an Englishman must don his shorts. I do feel sorry for you ladies. I admit, there are few men who look good in shorts, even though I am a keen short-wearer myself. My wife says my best feature is my bum, which is a shame since she has to look at my face all the time. So, out come the knobbly knees, the milky white legs with cracked skin and unsightly hair. Do we look sexy ? Do we heck ! And here’s a thing. If you holiday in France, Spain, Italy or any other Mediterranean country for instance, do you see grown men in shorts? I don’t think so. Teens and twenty-somethings maybe but not mature, grown up “I should know better” men.
Not so many years ago I managed to don my shorts at the beginning of May and wear them all the way through to the end of October (not the same pair, of course). By the end of the summer I had quite an attractive weathered tan and leaving the final return to jeans as late as possible was a matter of honour. Today, the temperature is set to rise above the 20 mark again (as I said, it should be nearer 13) and so in honour of this wonderful new climate that we are enjoying I shall go for a run in my running shorts – which, as we all know, will reveal even more porcelain skin.
But if this dramatic change in temperature is to become the standard – let’s face it, even the weathermen on tv look flumuxed – and Britain is to become a Mediterranean country over time, surely, there are bound to be some changes to our natural habitat and wildlife. Butterflies and bees will be busy earlier. Insects will be plentiful and birds will be plump and chirpy. But there’s a down side. Some species could become extinct. This is serious, we could be witnessing the beginning of the end of the British Milk-Bottle Legs. Every cloud, eh girls !