Forgive me Father for I have sinned, it has been nearly two weeks since my last entry. But I have been busy. I’m fronting up the advertising for the Kempsford Literary Festival. I’ve got my articles into local rags and stuff, posters are printed for starters and there are leaflets to get out. I’m designing the front of my next guitar project, a flamenco guitar which I hope to take to Seville with me sometime to learn from the horse’s mouth. And I got a new toon down for our “Average Sinners” project. What ? Average Sinners ? It’s just a name, Father, and I know He forgives all sinners, so, when he hears us sing I hope he’ll forgive us. What ? I’m not being flippant. I reckon the ol’ JC must have a sense of humour, Father, he made us in his image, and, well, you know, some of us look pretty wierd.
Hey, I’d just like to say that when I was a kid you guys scared the bejeezus outta me, if you see what I mean. All that Latin and crossing and scaring with Heaven ‘n’ Hell ‘n’ Limbo stuff. And the smoke. Oh, man, that smelt awful.
And I’ll admit, if I got 10 Hail Marys, then maybe I’d speed up over the last couple or so. A sort of “Hail Mary, Motheroffffzzzzzzzzzzzzgggggggggggggd” cross my heart and done. I was outta there. I reckoned God wouldn’t be too hard on a scared kid.
But, oh boy, it must have been tough for you. All those kids confessing that they stole their brothers toys. Oh man, I bet you longed for a bit of scandal. An indiscrete word here or there. “Father, I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus.” “10 Hail Marys and a Howzya Father.”
You don’t know this but here’s one for you, Father. When I was a kid you guys told us that if we missed Mass on Sunday our souls would turn black inside, entirely black, and would stay that way until we made it to confession. And if we died with a black soul we were doomed to Hell for eternity and no amount of praying by our friends and family would save us from that eternal damnation. But, Jesus, Father, – oh, sorry, – confession was Thursdays ! I was terrified Monday through Thursday morning. I kept my head DOWN.
Anyway, I gotta go. Got stuff to do an’all. You sure used to have some nice gold in here. Went to pay the gambling debts, huh? Only kidding. Do you still sing those hymns ? “I’ll bet you ten-to-one I can beat you at do-mi-noes….” They sound pretty serene to my ears nowadays. Oh, and Father, just between us, no harm done, huh, but it was close.