The Cork Board

Guest Post : Lucy

Hey, so the boss has writers block, huh? Stuck for something to say that’s so profound or mildly amusing so he’s asked me to step up to the plate and stand in for him. Guest Post, he called it. Guest, my eye. I live here.

Hello, my name is Lucy, I’m his cat. I haven’t always been his cat. I was her cat for a while after they brought me from that hell hole that masquerades as Cat Rescue – all that yowling, a girl can’t get a good day’s kip anywhere – but once I was sick and he looked after me during the day and stuff and I got to know him better. He’s not as stuck up as he seems to be sometimes. He can moan, though, especially when I throw up. .  “Okay, okay”, I say, “sorry. I just got some hair, okay. And with that stupid beard just be grateful that you don’t throw up all over the place. It would make me sick.”  That’s disrespectful, I know.   But – sometimes !

Dimwit always takes me with my eyes shut


Anyway, over time I got to know him better. He’s the one who feeds me all the time. She’s out working, I guess. Who’d be human? He calls me The Lobster. Very funny. Sometimes we play this game. He thinks he wins but he doesn’t. When he comes down in the morning all hung over and rubbing his eyes, it’s not a pretty sight I can tell you. So I meow gently for my breakfast while he makes coffee. It’s good coffee, he says, – stinks the place out though.

He ignores me. I meow louder. He ignores me more. I yowl. The more he ignores me the more I yowl. Still no breakfast. He says I nag him. He’s no idea, has he girls?! So, I shut up. I let him think I’ve given up. He thinks he’s won and wanders back upstairs with her coffee and to get the lazy so-and-so out of bed. “7 o’clock, dear” Makes ya sick. I lay on the bedroom  floor and look up at him and smile a little pleading meow. Bingo. Works every time. Breakfast is served. Hahaha, jerk – thinks he won but  I just play a long game.  We know how to get what we want from our men, don’t we ladies! Anyway, what’s the point of having a man if you can’t make him do what you want ?

Just right now I’m having a bit of a run-in with the cat next door. His name is Marbles. I don’t think he has any. Downstairs or up. He’s bigger than me. Just big and stupid. He likes to take the sun just where I like to take the sun so it’s a race to the spot first thing every morning. If Al would get on and serve my breakfast without any to-do I’d get there first. But some mornings “Big and Stupid” has been and thrown his towel down already. You can smell it and boy does it stink. Men !

Keep taking the sun, girls – know what I mean ?!


10 thoughts on “Guest Post : Lucy”

  1. Lucy, if he gets too annoying, just come on over to my place. I think you look hot in that collar. You and I would make a great team. And we’re both black…except I’m fuzzier. But something tells me you like hairy men. I say dump Al and Marbles. My human girl is really nice. She even puts ice-cubes in my water when it gets too, umm….balmy.

    The Fuzzster.

  2. Hey Fuzzy, good to hear from ya, girl (at least I think you’re a girl). He ain’t too bad most of the time but I’ll keep your offer in mind. Ice-cubes huh, sounds good to me. Looks like your human girl knows how to keep a cat cool an’ happy. Hey, I’ll check Qat-ar Airways – geddit ? 🙂

  3. Lucy is way cool…you are da Bomb dot com girl…prrrrr LOL.
    Enjoying your take on Big and Stupid…
    He must be quite entertaining now and then I am sure!

    1. Thanks Raven. Not bein’ a web-whizz an’ all that I didn’t understand the next bit. 🙂 Big and Stupid is a sulk sometimes. He runs, though, when Al tries to shoot him with this new water pistol thing he’s bought. It shoots quite a way and has a pump action to make the jet fly. You should see him use it. Men and toys always boys. Especially if it’s gun-shaped. Have a nice day, Raven.

  4. Lucy, you’re like a breth of fresh catnip!! Im Kitty. [yes my human thinkz shes verry creativ} you’re right we girls need to stick toGether.EXcept for that clueless human of yours, you”ve got it good. if mine knew I was sneaking a look at her freinds blog,she’d be all upset about about fur on her keeboard. hmm that doesn’t look right . oh never mind. Anyway , my human has been thretening to write a post about me. Shee walks around gigling about how funny I am when all I really want is to ,oh crap she’s comiing upstares now……got toogo

    1. Hey Kitty, good to hear from ya. Don’t get caught now. Remember, we’re smarter than they are. Al complains about fur and hair too. Fur, fur everywere (s’posed to rhyme). If it wasn’t for fur we wouldn’t get stroked, right ? Oh, a tip,Kitty. Just make sure that you never hit Control Halt Delete or something like that. Al did it once and the proverbial hit the fan. I ran. Keep her gigglin’ girl and you’ll always be fed.

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